The Virgin Post

Thank you for visiting my website and for wanting to learn more about Modern Love Essentials, (MLE)!

My very first blog post shares why I created MLE. In subsequent postings, I'll talk about my love and lust-life, my experience visiting a couple of sex clubs, S&M, and most importantly - going from boring and afraid to fabulously-sexy in bed - or, as it were, on the dining-room table. I'll talk about things that I love, other than sex, such as Pilates, food, tequila, and rescuing kittens.  I will use this platform to speak boldly and express myself. I've learned that standing for myself, no matter how vulnerable I may feel, is the key to truly loving myself and therefore loving another person. I will share things I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I hope you discover something new! 

Why Modern Love Essentials?

The answer to why I created MLE is simple… better sex. Sex that is fun, sexier, empowering, and just plain easier! I did it for me, really. Suddenly, I felt confident. Men were like, "Who are you?" 

A bit of background…. I’m a straight woman. I lost my virginity at 23, waiting for the right guy!  I've never been married, which for better or worse, provides me with the experience of having been intimate with a few loves and lovers, sometimes for 1 night, other times for a few years. I've had plenty of "fabulous sex," plenty of "boring sex," and once or twice sex that I didn't want. (I've pledged never to put myself in that position again.)

A few years ago, while waiting for my prince, I kept a friend/lover. (I love to quote from Sex and the City!) While we had an intellectual connection and good chemistry, I didn’t want more. One night he grabbed a jar of coconut oil from the kitchen cabinet and introduced me to using the oil for fun and games in the bedroom. Out of the jar the coconut oil was in a solid form and then melted on my body. Wow, I loved it! I loved the control. Why would I ever have sex without it? No more sticky, friction-laden hand/blow jobs. No more rough penetration because I wasn't quite "lathered up." Suddenly, I had the magic to feeling “yummy” and creating a more enjoyable experience for myself first and my partner as a result. At a later time, one man told me, "This is the best blow job I've ever had!" That's when I knew I was on to something...

I did some research and discovered that while virgin coconut oil is great for many things, it's a big NO-NO when it comes to a woman's vaj. I repeat, “No virgin coconut oil in the vagina!” Virgin coconut oil is antibacterial and anti-fungal, so there's a chance that it could disrupt a vagina's natural pH balance and cause a yeast infection. So don't use it! It also smells like coconut and that can be a turn off. 

MLE is sourced using the absolute finest processed organic coconut oil, the highest quality organic essential oils, and made in small batches by a contract manufacturer here in California. My goal is to produce a concern-free, chemical free, cruelty-free product. One day MLE will have Parve Kosher certification. 

Before going to market, I tested everything I could find on the shelves and online. The ingredients in mass market products were frightening. Did I really want to put these chemicals in/on my body? The organic products got sticky quickly. Although organic, I wasn’t interested in ingesting ingredients such as, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Xanthan Gum, Agar, Lactic Acid, Potassium Sorbate, and Sodium Benzoate, either! Conversely, you can put MLE in your coffee, though I don't recommend it!

Especially during the most vulnerable moments, I want to feel safe and secure. MLE enables me to express myself and to be empowered through the entire journey. The experience is effortless for me and my partner. I feel sexy during sex. Heck, I don't want to think about ingredients that I cannot spell! Saying "Fuck no," to boring sex, doesn't mean you have to compromise on your health and sanity. (Men don’t realize that women think about these things while in the midst of an orgasm!)

I knew that armed with a jar, more women could also be liberated from their boring and/or non-existent sex lives -- especially those women in long-term monogamous relationships and/or with men who don’t quite understand the meaning of foreplay (sorry guys)! It’s also perfect for quickies. And if you're everything is already peach-keen, why not mix it up? Personally, I've found variety to be sorely absent in the bedroom and women need to take back control!

That is the essence of MLE.   

The 2019 Transformation Post

In the spirit of posting a New Year’s Resolution – themed blog entry, I thought I’d share how I lost 15 pounds.

This is my journey and it may not work for everyone. I am not a dietitian, trainer, or a therapist. I found the results from a couple of life style modifications to be profound. Perhaps it can be of service to others.

Before the transformation I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I would never consider walking around the house undressed or sleeping naked. I could not let go and enjoy myself during sex without worrying about my body. I probably wasn’t an amazing partner in bed.

At 5’8” and 145 pounds, I looked proportional. No one would say that I had, “A weight issue.” Truthfully, I wasn’t comfortable at that weight. But I wasn’t motivated to make a change.

Meanwhile, thanks to quite a bit of sitting at my desk/driving to visit clients, I suffered from psoas pain. The pain radiated into my knee. It was uncomfortable sitting for hours in a movie or on a plane. Yoga, stretching, physical therapy didn’t help. In my quest to find a remedy, I made a visit to a body-worker, (such an LA-thing) known for fixing everyone, especially my family of dancers and acrobats, either through a spinal adjustment, deep tissue work, cupping, etc. During the consultation he said, “There’s nothing wrong with you. Lose 15 pounds and start Pilates.”

Thanks for being direct! 15 pounds?  I didn’t realize it at the time because I was horrified, but I credit this conversation for jump-starting the journey to the new me! Here’s my program…

Exercise:

My introduction to Pilates started with The Studio MDR. It is a version of Pilates called the Legree Method on an apparatus called the Megaformer. Next to Cross-Fit, this is a ridiculously difficult workout. What was I thinking? I could not get through the first few classes without taking multiple breaks. One time I cried during class.

After several Pilates classes, I was able to perform the exercises called, Planks, Pikes, Bears, French Twists, and crunches using a magic circle and a squishy/ bender ball! My psoas and lower back certainly felt better because this work strengthened my core. I now do less of Legree and more of the classical variety of Pilates. I balance the Pilates with 45 minute speed walks and dance classes.

Eating:

Consider starting your day by eating a slow-carb breakfast. I learned about slow-carbs from Tim Ferriss, an author, investor, guru. Ferriss experiments on himself and then writes and podcasts about his learnings. I discovered Ferriss’s breakfast while skimming through his 592-page resource called the 4 Hour Body. I found 2 subjects of interest:

1.) The female orgasm– that’s how I learned about OM’ing (it’s a bit odd and yet educational, there’s a ton written about OM’ing including videos that you may find …interesting)

2.) Tim’s breakfast/slow-carbs

I work from home, so I have the luxury of making breakfast. My version of the Tim Ferriss slow-carb breakfast starts with sautéed onions and mushrooms, 2 eggs (free range or from my cousin’s chickens when I’m lucky!). On top of the scramble I toss in a big handful of baby spinach and a ½ cup of red kidney beans. I portion myself a serving topped with either avocado or guacamole. It makes a huge amount of food, so I nurse on it until about 2pm. I also use a Bialetti to brew a single cup of Peet’s French Roast coffee.

During the rest of the day simply eat when you’re hungry. Stay away from processed foods and sugar. When you crave something sweet, go for Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate with Almonds PoundPlus bar– and take a block or two. Drink water.

The 8pm Rule: Here is the most important part, eat all your calories prior to 8pm because on this program there is no food within 3 hours of bedtime. Not a morsel. Nothing. Nada. Zero. If that pang of hunger haunts you, drink water with lemon, herbal tea, plain sparkling water. BUT NO FOOD or caloric beverages touch your mouth after 8pm.

Try it for 3 days just to prove out the 8pm rule. If you don’t drop a half pound+ per day, then you’re either over eating or not being honest about the no-eating-after-8pm-rule. That’s the magic! You still must eat properly, but the 8pm rule gets you results and keeps you motivated! Why drop a pound/week when you can drop 3 pounds/week?

Eat as consciously as possible. Ask questions including, where does the food come from? Is it sustainably harvested? Everything in moderation. Order a sandwich and eat half of it for lunch and the other half the next day or for a snack in 3 hours. The brain takes 30 minutes to realize the stomach is full, so slow down. Eat bread. Drink wine. One glass. Enjoy a martini with 3 olives. Sip tequila. No more alcoholic beverages with sugary/fruit mixers. Get rid of the sweeter in your coffee.

No dessert. Be honest, no one can have just 1 bite of chocolate cake, so skip it. You’ll thank me when you wake up the next morning down another pound. Even though I’m at a weight I’m happy to maintain, I continue to stick by this simple philosophy as much as possible. The lifestyle never ends.

I lost the weight over 3 years. At first, I lost around 8 pounds and kept it off. I was delighted to be under 140 pounds. Then I took it to 135 and then to 132. Now I’m toying with maintaining 128 pounds. I love how my clothes fit. I feel terrific! I’ll never go back to being 140+ now that I understand how to be disciplined and conscious about what, how much, and when I eat.

At 128 pounds, my bra size is a 32D from a 36DD. I purchased a bikini and it doesn’t sit in my drawer, I wear it! I no longer give a second thought to walking around the house naked. I slept with my man without pajamas. That’s a breakthrough for me! I look in the mirror at my naked self and my Pilates-abs and I’m finally content.

Let’s be honest here, did I really share something you didn’t know – except perhaps the 8pm rule? The key to a healthy weight is to make a lifestyle change, not to go on a diet.

This mind-body change coupled with a jar of Modern Love Essentials creates a whole new world in the bedroom. As of writing this blog, I’m newly single. In time, I look forward to a new love or lover – a girl’s gotta live – in order to express myself and enjoy fun and intimacy again!

For my friends who are fortunate to be with their partners for many years, I share this transformation with you in case you’re looking to making a change. You can take control of your exercise and eating. Based on my own experience, it will translate to an amazing new you in the bedroom!

The Revised Valentine's Day Post

My newly rescued kitten “enjoying” a bath in the sink!

My original Valentine’s Day blog post was supposed to be a quick list of romantic, passion-filled music. Instead, I am sharing the entire story surrounding the idea for the post. I thought it would be inspiring to share how the entire journey unfolded. The universe literally closed one chapter and opened the opportunity to save a life while making this blog post possible! Here’s the back story.

Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend after 15 months and as a result of the demise of that relationship I knew I needed to do some soul-searching, reclaim my self-respect, and take a good look at what I wanted in a relationship. Along with the tough-love my friends and family gave me, I was seeing a therapist to set myself back on the right course. I’m happy to say that I’m on the other side and much better for it.

On my drive home from one of those therapy appointments, I decided to stop into Lowe’s to pick up a few things. However, during the drive I spotted a Home Depot and aborted Lowe’s. This snap decision to modify my destination, is key to the story. I entered the Garden Center and spotted a little black kitten. I halfheartedly attempted to rescue it, but let it go because I feared it was feral. Alas, I went about my business securing the much-needed items I originally set out to purchase.

Leaving the building I saw two young men trying to coerce the same kitten with food…. And the kitten was going for it! Together we worked with the Home Depot staff to nab the kitten and put him safely into a box. I drove home with more goodies than planned. It was this kitten’s lucky day because besides my day job and selling sex lube, I’m a volunteer with Kitten Rescue of Los Angeles! (and I can cook, too!) This is when the statement, “There are no accidents in the world,” rings true!

During the drive home my thoughts were all over the place – Is the kitten feral? If he’s feral, what will I do with him? How long will it take to get him adopted? What if the kitten tests positive for FIV/FELV (which is reasonable since he’s been outside)? Oh and I’m leaving for London on business in a few days - who will take care of him, especially if he’s feral?

Suddenly, I had a lot more to think about than my love-life. I brought the kitten into the bathroom and stuck him into the sink for a nice warm bath. I was very relived that the kitten was not feral. He was just the opposite. He ate like a horse and slept in my arms purring loudly. Not only was the kitten purring, but he asserted himself into my lap at every opportunity. Given his life on the street, I was very surprised by this tame behavior.  I went back to Home Depot to search for siblings and asked around to be sure he didn’t have a family looking for him.

Kitten Rescue made a vet appointment for neutering, testing, micro-chip insertion, etc. I was thrilled that the test results for FIV/FELV were negative! He was now ready for adoption!

That night, I heard about an adopter who recently lost his kitten to the dreaded, incurable FIP virus. I suggested that the adopter might be interested in my little boy. He was!

A side note, one of the things I adored about my recent relationship were the friends I made within the South African community. They often hosted a small, intimate, delicious tea on Sunday afternoon. Each gathering had something new to share, to learn, and lovely new people to meet. I miss the community and their gatherings more than the boyfriend!

In my typical can-do style, I decided to make Sunday Afternoon Tea my own with my amazing community of friends and family. I invited the potential adopter to join us for non-South African tea and to meet my foster kitten.

Little did I know that the potential adopter is a famous EDM DJ and composer, TyDi. He has over 200,000 followers on Instagram! This is Los Angeles after all! In the past, I adopted to Hollywood types and my family is in The Business, so I was not entirely phased. It just makes things a bit more interesting. So TyDi, or Tyson – his given name – came over to join us for tea. Err… we drank tea and he drank me out of my entire stash of tequila. He was enjoying his Sunday afternoon, taking a break from writing a song for Disney and the music for a commercial to be released during the Oscars.

Tyson fell in love and the kitten, now named Guinness, is adopted! If you follow TyDi on Instagram, you’ll see them together. You’ll also see TyDi’s work and how he donates his time to Make A Wish, etc. He’s a good guy! On Modern Love’s Instagram, you can see a snip-it of our conversation.

While we were enjoying our tea/tequila, and I had a connoisseur of music in the room, I asked Tyson for his list of Top Songs to Make Love To for a potential Valentine’s Day Blog Posting … Finally…. here is the list:

1.       Ludovico Einaudi: “Experience,” “Fly,” “Divenire”

2.       Ólafur Arnalds: “Brot”

3.       Rhye: “Open”

I was surprised that the DJ/EDM composer recommend such “sweet” music. But in getting to know Tyson and seeing his dedication and love for Guinness, it makes sense. Next time I’ll ask him for his not so-vanilla recommendations!

The universe has a magical way of working: The relationship ended. I sought therapy to better myself. On the specific night that I went to therapy, I decided to run an errand and changed direction. At the new location, I stumbled into an area of the store where I spotted, gave up on, and then rescued an abandoned kitten. Through this kitten, I met Tyson who adopted the kitten and shared his favorite romantic music included in the above post! Most importantly, without the demise of that relationship the kitten would not be in Tyson’s care! I’m still in awe of how the whole event unfolded!

The moral of the story is… you never know where love or the “end of love” is going to lead.

Guinness and Tyson posing for TyDi’s 200,000 Instagram followers